At the Well ~ February 23

This seems to be timely like it was last week. It is something I have been thinking about this week.

Are there areas of hardness and coldness in my life? What are the roots of these? Do I need to release someone who has hurt me in my past? Do I need to confess and release myself from the bondage of sinful patterns in my own life?

What are some ways that I can turn the conversation around when other women begin to gripe and complain about their children?

Name some creative ways we can create warmer, more inviting environments for our children.

Today (yesterday now) I find I can recognise or think I recognise the effort one of my child's parents are doing for their child. I doubt my ability to do the same kind of things.

I was annoyed that my Dad passed away before we had a second chance at a more day to day level of seeing each other. This morning I felt I could thank God, even though he has passed away. Perhaps it was better for me this way. I thank God though for the lovely 14 years that I did spend with him. I don't remember any yelling or anything like that, but I find my memory is getting more hazy by the minute. There are many things I draw on that I have noticed Dad taught me, even yesterday a little saying, not a nice one particularly, but "they'll keep". Does anyone else use that one. It is probably a bit private to be sharing that about Dad's thoughts, but it is a good saying in one way because the person has upset you, but by appointing the retribution to another time, that never actually happens is probably good for everyone. Basically it is for those situations where you have been wronged. Maybe it even means that God will take care of it.

The warm environment I took this question to be, was the home and the provision, the organising basically. However, I find adult talk around the children in some instances stressful, and have tried to avoid it lately, but having mixed success.

I find my children's tastes are different to mine.

From The Women's West: "If was chiefly Ma, Caroline Quiner Ingalls, who had who had to reconstruct that homelike place in the succession of log cabins, shanties, and the little frame houses the Ingalls family inhabited as they moved westward. In every book we learn how red-checkered tablecloths, bedsheet curtains, Ma's plump down pillows, and patchwork quilts made the most pinched and unlikely of habitations - for instance, the dirt-floored, one-room railroad shanty at Silver Lake - a home."

I think it is the time expended. The thinking about it, what is needed. For example the boxer shorts.

In the end I decided that my Mum had a warm and inviting home. Still, I was raised in essence as an unbeliever, though if my parents are believers in some form, and lived/live a fairly godly life. So I came to the conclusion that the very nice old-fashioned atmosphere is not all there is to it.

So I was relieved when I read this week's post. It also made me feel better. I have had three step-children and five children of my own and the things that the post encouraged I have done. The problem now is the final tenacity at the end amongst more obvious pressure that there is today. Even perhaps the pressure to keep a nicer home.

Have you ever watched Super Nanny USA? I am quite taken with the large proportion of people on the show that have nice homes. I wonder how they achieve it sometimes. It is a good illustration that sometimes it is not enough.

Well, I just realised that I never did read in the lexicon Titus 2 and how the word philandros related to children. Will do that. I found this article about it.

From philos and teknon; fond of one's children, i.e. Maternal -- love their children. From here.

This is what I wrote last week:

My husband looked it up in the Lexicon for me and the word is used like "I am fond of country living" or "I am fond of travel". Like these days when someone asks how do you like you new job, and they might reply "I love it". (I wouldn't use that phrase, always hard for me to think in those terms about something like a job or a place of living, I usually mumble a yes, and then wonder if I really do love it.)

There is: fond of blood, fond of wailing, fond of watching the contest, fond of being in the contest, fond of flowers, fond of your sister or your brother. Yes, they are all in the Lexicon.

It is so modern isn't it? You can imagine people categorised by these fondness for things good or bad. So we have to be categorised as being fond of our husband and children.

So yes, I have heard complaining about children, it was years ago when I was in my early 20s, I am now in my mid 40s. They were the children we didn't have custody of at the time. I am now at the point in my life where I can relate. I think the age my kids are at now is difficult. However, I feel letting go partially of the idea of having more babies in our relationship had something to do with that. My husband had to tell me what other people's ideas are about children, having two children only and how having a large family is harder etc. which I would never accept. So the more I accept the differences between me and other's lifestyles, the more the temptation is to complain.

I did dearly wish to talk to my 12 year old more, and this has happened. Not by anything I have done, but by some perspective she has gained about others. She always says a cheerful goodnight or goodbye, and it is very heartening. Peer pressure shouldn't be disregarded. How to handle it, lots of faith, and I suppose treading lightly. Sometimes I have let myself be a bit more vocal about it.

In the article I mentioned: "Now, the words "they may teach...to be sober" are one word in the Greek, the verb (swphrwnidzw) -- "to teach to be mentally stable; to bring someone to his senses". We have seen the adjective form (swphrwn) in previous verses, so maybe even the Greek is becoming a little more familiar to you."

My advice to those who I have been reading that feel they are not doing enough to make their house cosy, spend lots of time with the kids, or hug them, remember you mental health is very important. If you are tired, you need rest more than a clean house. I remind myself of that, but today I did a little cleaning job, and that is my challenge for this week, one a day.

This morning I thought back to a time where I looked after the 5 kids, one was 2 months old when my husband was on day shift. I got them all ready for school after changing and feeding the baby and having a shower, and driving them to school before the traffic. I am still that person, even if I feel "lazy" at the moment. I hope getting my reliever as it has been smoky will help. A few days ago, silly me who is not taking her preventer asthma (I have only had it recently after the flu last year, prior to this I hadn't used it for ages) remembered I could use the preventer instead until I could get to a shop.

However, I do caution, always get up to find out what your kids are doing or to supervise. It is very important. I always know where my kids are, have for nearly 21 years or over. My husband said that to me recently, I always at all times know where they are. Being lazy or sick or tired can't be used for that at all. Not necessarily in the same room, but you do need to be able to hear and to listen.