At the well

This is how the post goes on the host site relating to the bible verse Titus 2:4 "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,":

Recently I discovered a POW (pearl of wisdom) in Titus 2:4. I had always simply read it like this: "to love their husbands" – period, - right?

Wrong!

The original word used is actually a single word philandros. Philos, the word it is derived from, means to love in the sense of "to be friends with". It means, “friend, to be friendly to one, wish him well.” When expounded upon in the Greek lexicon we can find that the meaning of this “love” is different from the “love” of John 13:34, agapao, which means: ” to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly.” I don’t know about you but that gives me a whole new perspective of that verse. The same can be said of "love their children". The word philoteknos is the original, single word used.

I will just be honest here. There have been times when I was not a friend to my husband or my children but I never stopped loving them. According to my old interpretation of that scripture I would have believed that my nonexistent friendly acts towards them was okay. However, I realized while studying that we are to befriend them and that we can also teach others how to befriend their husband and children.

Wow. I had to meditate on that for a while.

Here are my thoughts:
In regards to our children, we must overcome the old wives tale, “you can’t be friends with your child if you wish to parent them.” Obviously, God disagrees with that. For both our husband and children, what needs to change first is our perception of friendship and the love it demands. In part two we will discuss this scripture as it pertains to our husbands and in part three we will discuss this scripture as it pertains to our children.

Discussion Questions:

• What is your definition of friendship?
• Did you follow the belief that we should not be friends with our children?
  
• Has that changed?
• In what ways can we befriend our husbands and children?
  
• What can we do to teach those skills to someone else?

My husband looked it up in the Lexicon for me and the word is used like "I am fond of country living" or "I am fond of travel". Like these days when someone asks how do you like you new job, and they might reply "I love it". (I wouldn't use that phrase, always hard for me to think in those terms about something like a job or a place of living, I usually mumble a yes, and then wonder if I really do love it.)

There is: fond of blood, fond of wailing, fond of watching the contest, fond of being in the contest, fond of flowers, fond of your sister or your brother. Yes, they are all in the Lexicon.

It is so modern isn't it? You can imagine people categorised by these fondness for things good or bad. So we have to be categorised as being fond of our husband and children.

Fond of one's husband, conjugal, with a secondary meaning of loving men.

I was reading a teen magazine article that caught my eye recently. It was basically how to get a boyfriend, I think. They suggested a way to be comfortable and being able to relate to men from memory. And that was to know people, other men. Like brothers, father, uncles, so you know how to relate to that half of the human race.

I am thinking at the age now, that perhaps having two sons has helped me with this, or perhaps being married for 24 years and spending many hours in my husband's company.

What I took Titus 2:4 to mean is perhaps we have to love the man part of our husband. You know that lots of woman have been known to say "Men!" I'm not suggesting then they shouldn't help you around the house if you need it.



I was thinking about this this morning, being friends with the kids. I was thinking about a comment a nearly adult member of my family said last night when he walked in the door. "I don't like the smell of this house", or something like that.

I was thinking that that was wrong to do that. I was thinking about how maybe I am being too soft. I don't think I said anything. Then I was thinking about how I enjoy his company around the house. No we are not trying to keep him here indefinitely, just another year to give him a good start in life, perhaps longer if necessary.

"In regards to our children, we must overcome the old wives tale, “you can’t be friends with your child if you wish to parent them.”"

I think some of the old wives tale still holds true.

I have been watching Super Nanny USA. Although not obviously I think she has dealt with some Christian families, in one particular family the husband was a pastor. I felt the parents were encouraged to be kind, but also to still make it known that they were the parent, by the tone of their voice, while still being kind. It is really interesting to watch. She enables families to be kind but still have ground rules that are not broken, although sometimes comprises are reached if they are sensible. Often the parents haven't gotten their head around how old they are for example, have a bad experience that needs resolving, or in one case, just had to meet the kids friends and they were pleasantly surprised.